By Paul Goodman
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David Cameron is

  • Eloquent,
  • Prime Ministerial,
  • Tough enough for the job of Prime Minister and
  • Smart enough for the job of Prime Minister, and 

– also stands up for Britain.  However, he –

  • Doesn't understand people like me, and
  • Won't protect British jobs, and is
  • Out of touch
  • Arrogant and
  • Smug.

He also doesn't listen.

Ed Miliband –

  • Understands people like me and will
  • Protect British jobs.

 - and that's about it, perhaps because he is also –

  • Out of his depth,
  • Weak,
  • Indecisive and
  • Weird.

In a nutshell, I believe voters would rather have a Prime Minister who is –

  • Prime Ministerial,
  • Tough enough to be Prime Minister,
  • Doesn't understand people like me, and is
  • Smug

– than one who is –

  • Weak,
  • Indecisive,
  • Understands people like me and is
  • Weird.

I have conflated the findings of the latest Ipsos/Mori poll, published in yesterday's Evening Standard, and the findings of the latest Populus poll, published in the Times (£) earlier this week – but not, I think, unreasonably.

Neither leader is polling gloriously, and the degree to which a party leader's ratings helps or harms its election performances is disputed.  None the less, the message is clear: if they do make a difference in 2015 or before, Mr Cameron will outclass his rival, whatever the result.

These findings are mighty useful for him as the party conference season looms. They raise the pressure on Mr Miliband to deliver a stong speech – unhappy timing for the Labour leader, who has had an easier run with the media since Mr Cameron conceded the Leveson inquiry.

Can Mr Miliband do no right?  Voters say that Mr Cameron is more likeable and would be more fun to meet than Mr Miliband: if the former's ratings aren't great, the latter's are truly woeful.  It wouldn't be surprising if the pollsters had also found the Labour leader to be –

  • A knave,
  • A rascal,
  • An eater of broken meats,
  • Base,
  • Proud,
  • Shallow,
  • Beggarly,
  • A three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave,
  • A lily-livered, action-taking knave,
  • A whoreson, glass-gazing,
    super-serviceable finical rogue,
  • A one-trunk-inheriting slave,
  • One that
    wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and who is nothing but the composition of
  • A knave,
  • Beggar,
  • Coward,
  • Pandar,
  • And the son and heir
    of a mongrel bitch…

"…one whom I
will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable
of thy addition".

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