Perhaps the most interesting news item this week was the auction of
property belonging to the late Princess Margaret, organised by her children to
raise funds to pay off their Inheritance Tax bill.  In today’s egalitarian
society, it seems even the proceeds of death have to be shared.  Go on, admit it
– wasn’t it fascinating to see that collection of curios, objets d’art and in
some cases downright tat going under the hammer?
Our roving reporter has toured the sale rooms to see what items other
public figures have been putting up for auction.
(1) a gilt-framed looking-glass from Harrods (cracked)
(2) a signed photograph of Mr Bernie Eccleston, the well-known
(3) a silver-framed hand-mirror from Harvey Nichols (cracked)
(4) a signed photograph of Mr Lakshmi Mittal, the well-known
(5) a plastic-framed shaving-mirror from Boots (cracked)
(6) a signed photograph of Dr Chai Patel, the well-known entrepreneur
(7) miscellaneous bottles of gentlemen’s grooming products of the Lynx
brand (now empty)
(8) a signed photograph of Messrs Srichanda and Gopichand Hinduja, the
well-known entrepreneurs
(9)  a deceased and embalmed tabby cat with attached hand-written label
reading "Got Him At Last, XXXX,  Love C." – indications of having been kicked
and had darts thrown at it
(1) a tape measure, still in original packaging
(2) a catalogue from Harrods for curtain and wallpaper designs
(3) a gift-wrapped and unopened gold carriage clock engraved with the words
"Thank You for 9 Years of Fantastic Leadership – we couldn’t have done it
without you"
(4) a gift-wrapped and unopened gold carriage clock engraved with the words
"Thank You for 10 Years As Leader – enjoy your retirement"
(5) a gift-wrapped and unopened gold carriage clock engraved with the words
"Thank You for the last 11 Years – enjoy the memory"
(6) a gift-wrapped and unopened gold carriage clock engraved with the words
"Thank You for Retiring after 12 Years"

(7) a copy of the life
expectancy tables for modern British males, much distressed

(8) one copy of IT Outsourcing For Dummies, much distressed

(1) one silver dog whistle, hardly used
(2) one copy of "Global Warming: The Myth Exposed"
(3) membership pack, unopened, for The 4×4 Off-road Gas Guzzlers Club of
(4) one large cardboard box, unopened, containing copies of The
Conservative Party Manifesto 2005
(5) one very large kettle, electric element burnt-out
(1) a large collection of ties, including notable and distinguished
gentlemen’s clubs  – current owner no longer requires them
(2) miscellaneous Christmas Cards from a Mr Roger Helmer of the East
(1) one croquet set from Jaques (mallet broken in two)
(2) one copy of "Good Pubs To Visit In The Dorneywood Area" (much
(3) one copy of "How To Manage A Large Organisation" (slightly foxed)
(4) one copy of "How To Pull Girls" (well-fingered) 
(5) a DVD of the film "What Women Want", featuring Mr Mel Gibson, the
well-known cinema actor
(6) a DVD of the television production "Casanova", featuring Mr David
Tennant, the well-known traveller through time and space
(7) one copy of "Fowler’s Modern English Usage" (defaced)
(1) one set of the board game "Monopoly", incomplete (the Get Out Of Jail
Free cards have been torn up)
(2) one copy of The Scottish Office Departmental Directory (hardly
(3) one copy of The Northern Ireland Office Departmental Directory (hardly
(4) one copy of The Labour Party Rulebook (hardly used)
(5) one copy of The House Of Commons Rules of Procedure (hardly used)
(6) one copy of The Department of Health Departmental Directory (hardly
(7) one copy of The Ministry Of Defence Departmental Directory (hardly
(8) a toy model of the aircraft carrier HMS Invincible with hand-written
card reading "Now You Can Play With The Real One, TB", indications of having
been wept over
(9) one copy of GCSE Revision Guide: Basic Principles of English Law

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