FROM RUSHCLIFFE WITH LOVE
Classic spy adventure. Sinister enemy espionage organisation the KG-EPP have planted a mole inside our non-communications centre, CCHQ. The only clues to his identity are a pair of Hushpuppies, a pile of jazz records and an unread copy of the Maastricht Treaty. Can Bond find and eliminate the traitor before he causes chaos, civil war, and possibly fatal U-Turns? Shouldn’t Bond have started looking in about 1988?
Starring: Sean Connery as David Cameron; Pierce Brosnan as William Hague; Dame Judi Dench as Francis "M".
CH verdict: The highlight of this must-see film is the fight to the death on the Leyton Orient Express between Bond and pyschotic killer "Red" Heseltine. The ending looks to be a bit of a fudge.
GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS
Crime caper. Tony outlines his latest idea: he’ll stay on as Prime Minister but hand over the party leadership to "someone else". Then he asks the Cabinet how long they think such an arrangement will last. Some bad language.
Starring: Nicholas Cage as the smooth-talking con-artist forced to pull off one last heist to stay alive.
CH verdict: Dull. Repetitive. Formulaic. It’s time this production company tried something new with a different star actor.
Jonathan Sheppard (of ToryRadio fame) is running the London Marathon to raise funds for an asthma charity. He will be passing through five target wards for the local Conservatives in the May 4th elections and refuses to deliver a single leaflet to help his colleagues in their hour of need. Talk about narrow focus and missing the bigger picture! Well, if he thinks he’ll get a penny out of me he can take another 26 mile running jump. I certainly shan’t be clicking here to sponsor him.
ORANGES ARE NOT THE ONLY FRUITCAKES OR LOONIES
Controversial product of TV moving to the big screen. A youngster has grown up in a fanatical cult with limited links with the rest of society and tries to escape from the past, causing outrage. The kid makes a few mistakes on the way, such as an attack on an even more sinister, fanatical and detached cult which sounds to some people like a questioning of the whole basis of their beliefs.
Starring: a talented newcomer who might go far – but perhaps needs to choose scripts with greater care?
CH verdict: [NOT AVAILABLE AT THE TIME OF GOING TO PRESS].
UNE AUTRE JOUR DU GROUNDHOG
Sequel to a French remake of a Hollywood classic. 50 million Frenchmen wake up and discover their streets full of protesters, their Government in chaos, and their President making desperate concessions. They begin to think they’re re-living last week.
Starring: Peter Sellers once again as hapless Jacques Chirac.
CH verdict: it’s not clear how long this franchise can stagger on, trying to revive old and exhausted ideas – but you can have a good laugh at them, any way.
OUR FRIENDS IN THE NORTH
Tim is in Manchester trying to recruit staff for his new leaflet-delivery company. Will his message of hope inspire the demoralised to get a new life? No.
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