A BEAUTIFUL MIND
Psychological drama. A brilliant mathematician can do amazing things with numbers, such as massively increasing expenditure, hiking taxes and binging on borrowing, and still have a competitive economy and world-class unreformed public services. Unfortunately, he then presents his Budget and it turns out it was all a schizophrenic delusion.
Starring: Russell Crowe as Gordon Brown; Paul Bettany as his non-existent friend who lives next door.
CH verdict: most members of the audience will realise eventually that they’ve been conned – and then the story will end very quickly.
OCEAN’S ELEVEN BILLION
of a comedy crime caper. A small gang of friends ("the Pack of Rats")
hatch a plot to steal as much money as possible from unsuspecting
punters. There are three rules to be followed: First: no blood – no one
resigns. Second: rob only who deserves it. Third: then rob everyone
else. Will they get caught? Yes. Does anyone do anything about it?
Starring: George Clooney as Gordon Brown; Brad Pitt as Tony Blair;
Andy Garcia as the Comptroller & Auditor-General and head of the
National Audit Office.
CH verdict: People sitting on the left hand side of the cinema
will probably prefer the versions of this film which were made in the
1940s, 1960s and 1970s.
THE LOAN, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE
fantasy. Some hyper-active kids are playing about in a deserted old
Party HQ when one of them opens a wardrobe and finds £14 million has
magically appeared from out of a parallel universe which doesn’t seem
to be governed by the same rules applying to the rest of us. They then
go off and live in a world of their own.
Starring: nobody you’ve ever heard of – although they might also be appearing at the Old Bailey very soon.
CH verdict: most viewers will wish the children stayed inside the wardrobe and didn’t come back.
B FOR BRUSCHETTA
vision of the future. Britain groans under the grip of a cruel,
authoritarian, incompetent, corrupt, out-of-touch, hypocritical
regime. One man bravely sets out to bring down the government by
forming links with "the B People", undertaking complicated tax
avoidance and, er, marrying a Cabinet Minister. People should not be
afraid of their Governments; Governments should be afraid of who
they’re married to.
Starring: Hugo Weaving as David Mills; Natalie Portman as Tessa Jowell.
CH verdict: Given the risk of copy-cat crime by impressionable
teenage thugs, some people may feel that the scene where Parliament is
blown up should be played continuously in all inner-city schools.
CARRY ON CONSTABLE
instalment of a long-running farce. All your favourite characters are
back again. Laugh as they bumble their way through unlikely slapstick
disasters – cackhanded political correctness, gunning down an innocent
man on the Tube, gratuitously insulting the parents of murdered
children, bugging the Attorney-General, that sort of thing – until they
end up with knighthoods and a £300,000 bonus. So, no change there,
Starring: Kenneth Williams, Sid James, Kenneth Connor, Hattie
Jacques, Joan Sims and Leslie Phillips combined as Sir Iain Blair;
Charles Hawtrey as Lord Goldsmith; Bernard Bresslaw as Charles Clarke.
CH verdict: hasn’t this series gone on long enough?
This is not a family film, and the Editor would not appreciate a review of it.
LE JOUR DU GROUNDHOG
remake of a Hollywood classic. This time 50 million French voters wake
up to student rioting, Government chaos and economic stagnation and
think they’re reliving 1968.
Starring: Peter Sellers as Jacques Chirac; Gerard Depardieu as Le Groundhog.
CH Verdict: Sellers steals the show with the scene where he tells
everyone that "Fronz ees seeting orn oon time berm." CH readers of a
sensitive nature may find such crude xenophobic sterotyping of a
civilised and cultured allied nation to be highly enjoyable.
Related links: William Norton’s reviews from last week and Matthew Sinclair’s more serious review of V for Vendetta.