Another week without interest or incident in the news. How fortunate we all are that we can take ourselves off to the cinema and enter a bizarre world of fantasy detached from reality. (Or go on a Head of Government tour to the Commonwealth Games as it’s also known.)
AN INSPECTOR CALLS
Biting social comment. Tony and Cherie are hosting an agreeable dinner party for some smart friends who’ve just been made members of the House of Lords, when there’s a knock at the door. Bless me, it turns out to be that nice Inspector Yates from Scotland Yard and he wants to ask a few questions.
Starring: [DELETED FOR LEGAL REASONS PENDING METROPOLITAN POLICE INVESTIGATION]
CH verdict: Rather old-fashioned drama. Isn’t this sort of thing supposed to have died out in the 18th Century?
PENNIES FROM HEAVEN
Comedy musical. Gordon explains how he’s going to balance the books.
Starring: Bob Hoskins as the man miming along to the music.
CH verdict: More mature members of the audience will recognise that
this is based on a script from the 1970s written by an old dead
left-winger – and it still has the same ending.
GOODNIGHT AND GOOD LUCK
Tense Cold War drama. The Cabinet are planning a surprise for Tony’s birthday….
Starring: David Strathairn as Tony, the man in front of the cameras who
likes to deliver moralising sermons; George Clooney as Gordon, the
producer who’s really running the show behind the scenes.
CH verdict: It’s all there in black and white for anyone who cares to see it.
THE BLAIR WITCH REJECT
Horrifying. Isolated from civilisation in a lonely old wood, trapped
in her caravan, Margaret Beckett explains exactly why her acceptance of
anonymous funding through a blind trust in the 1990s has no relevance
whatsoever to her demands that the Tories name their donors today.
Then Guido Fawkes creeps up through the trees and kills her reputation.
Starring: a complete non-entity as Secretary of State for Environment, Food & Rural Affairs.
CH verdict: Unconvincing. Doesn’t live up to the hype. No change there, then.
MURDER BY NUMBERS
Crime thriller. Gordon’s Budget doesn’t look any better this week. Still too many of the numbers are in blood red.
Starring: Sandra Bollocks cast against type as the disturbed, socially
inept person up to her neck in office politics who thinks they know
better than anyone else.
CH verdict: We know from the start who’s guilty, and it’s slightly
worrying that it takes everyone else in the film nine years to work it
out for themselves.
TWO FOR THE MONEY
Closing down sale. Buy a peerage and we’ll throw in a knighthood for
free. Offer must end May 2010. Or perhaps November 2008. Better make
that September 2006. In fact, the way things are going, it could be
all over by next week.
Starring: Al Pacino and Matthew McConaughey as the two smooth-talking
chancers who double-cross each other as they try to get their hands on
CH verdict: Catch it before the show suddenly comes to the end of its run.