William Norton – regular ConservativeHome contributor – has sent me the following…

A bumper crop of new films for you down at the cinema this weekend.  The vibrant state of this creative industry is a glowing testament to the brilliant work of our Culture Secretary, Tessa Jowell.

Heartwarming musical.  A man with a brilliant way with words promises to pass off anyone as a lord and lady once he’s taught them how to say the right things – which turns out to be "To whom should I make out this cheque, Prime Minister?"

Starring: Rex Harrison as Tony Blair; 300 people you’ve never heard of as new peers.

CH verdict: the producers are singing all the way to the bank, and some of their junior staff will soon be singing to the Electoral Commission.

Slapstick comedy.  The grown-ups have gone away and left a mere child in charge of the country.  Some villains are trying to get into the House by forcing their way in with £10 million of soft loans.  Will Young Tony’s moral fibre crumble and let him take the money?  Yes.

Starring: Macaulay Culkin as Tony Blair.

CH verdict: not as unbelievable as we would like.

Biting social satire.  A young woman packs in being a hairdresser and tries to better herself as Secretary of State for Education & Skills.  Best scene: the dramatic part where the professor teaches her arithmetic – subtract 52 rebels from a majority of 66 leaves you in the pocket of the Tories.

Starring: Michael Caine as a very drunk professor; Julie Walters as the inexperienced newcomer.

CH verdict: yawn, but we’ll be hearing a lot more of this one for months.

Tense film noir thriller.  The Treasurer of the Labour Party turns up at the office one day to discover £10 million of cash no-one’s told him about.  Where did that come from, he wonders out loud in front of 417 journalists, and then proceeds to tell everybody what a nice man Gordon is.  Whose money is it?  Is anyone going to get out alive?

Starring: Humphrey Bogart as Jack Dromey; Lauren Bacall as Harriet Harman; Peter Lorre as Tony Blair; Sidney Greenstreet as John Prescott; Edward G Robinson as Gordon Brown; 782 people you’ve never heard of as Labour Party donors.

CH verdict: the surprise ending isn’t actually a surprise.

45 million voters are still waking up thinking they’re reliving the Major Government.

Starring Bill Murray as the hapless man who just can’t make the weather anymore.

CH verdict: we told this one would run and run and run…

Brilliant stuff, William!

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