Plus: Soames bottle-feeds the Crouch childlet. Gove’s lesé majeste. And: It’s Ken Clarke’s memoirs – Fifty Shades of Blue.
Therese Coffey carried out young Gavin Williamson, the PM’s ADC, who was tired and emotional, in a fireman’s lift. He hasn’t been seen since.
Plus: Boris wrecks the Black and White Ball. Colonel Simpson meets the Romanovs. Soames contra mundum. And: swimming lessons with Penny Mordaunt.
Also: Britain Stranger in Europe. Leagues of Empire Loyalists in Kettering. Elliott and Coates in bars and bogs. Plus: Donald Tusk or is it Trump?
Plus: Boris’s party is raided by the Vice and Drugs Squads. The Home Secretary says it was “a police operational decision”
Plus: Soames makes his way towards a gender-neutral loo. Lunch with Tyrie, lunch with Kirby. The Shipley Strangler strikes again. And: George Simpson saves the day.
Plus: Tracey Crouch gets a women’s rugby team to bar the Chancellor. And: a new Tory One-Night-Stand dating app called Blue on Blue…
Plus: Soames’s “serious environmental work” (i.e: shooting). Brothers Cash and Jenkin lose the plot. The agony of Kevan Jones. And: I am shaken by a Psychedelic Orgasm.
He’s had a bad week with the Chancellor taking the proverbials out of him and then Mrs May ragging him over the purchase of his antiquated German water cannon.
Proceedings were interrupted by a large rodent, which was eventually cornered by young Hancock, who strangled it and dropped it out of the window.
Plus: Colonel Simpson tells the tearoom that the Bavarian schloss in which the G7 was held was “an SS Officer Training School during the late hostilities”.
Plus: The SNP take over a bar, a rumpus at Women to Win, no booze at Steve Hilton’s book launch…and from Russia with Love to Soames.
So we are back at the Palace of Varieties with far more MPs than expected – and relatively few casualties.